one very long moment
by heechul
Summary: Or, what happens when Hikaru and Kaoru are relieved of boredom. HaruhiTwins. Hints of TamaKyo.


**Disclaimer**: Hatori Bisco owns the characters. The titles of each section are quotes from Oscar Wilde.

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**one very long moment**

**-**

**i. it is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is fatal**

Smooth whispers tattoo a promise on his jaw and long, willing fingers fumble the tie around his neck, _be mine be mine be mine_.

_I'm already yours_, the fingers on his shoulders promise, and the fangirls sigh in harmony. It's never hard for them to feign intimacy bordering on lust bordering on a completely incestual affair. It's merely a play on the words they speak everyday.

"Hikaru…" Hitachiin Kaoru begins.

"This is getting boring," Hitachiin Hikaru finishes, pitch, octave, tone so exact that one who could not see the two would have assumed that it was spoken by one person.

"If you're bored, you should help out," is what is told to them by one very annoyed Fujioka Haruhi in passing, as she escapes (quite futilely), from a beaming Suou Tamaki carrying a box proudly bearing the words _beloved costumes for my darling daughter_ in which a mass of pink "satin? Is that _satin_, senpai?" and lacy frills peek out.

Hikaru and Kaoru exchange devilish half grins (that obviously make a whole) and Hikaru reaches out an arm to snag Haruhi around the waist, effectively stopping her escape attempts. Kaoru then lands an arm possessively around her slim shoulders and while Tamaki speaks in the strange language of symbols rather than words, they press their cheeks to her flushed ones and speak in unison.

"Rather good advice there, Haruhi, we don't feel bored in the least anymore."

**ii. illusion is the first of all pleasures**

Pianist's fingers loosen knots in stiff shoulders and play absentmindedly with silky black hair.

"Mother," Tamaki begins, brow furrowed, "is it just me…or has the twins' lewd shows of affection for our darling daughter increased in the past week?"

(_Ranka-san_, Kyouya types on his laptop, _Haruhi is making very good social progress with her classmates._)

The current object of their conversation was sitting on a gilded couch, the twins so thoroughly twined around her that it was quite difficult to tell where Hikaru and Kaoru started and where Haruhi ended, with a look of exasperation on her face.

"Hikaru," she begins, slightly annoyed, "if it wouldn't kill you to remove your hand from mine, I really need to finish the calculus homework. Kaoru, you're giving me a headache."

Hikaru, looking injured, removes his hand with some difficulty from Haruhi's, where his fingers were threaded so completely that his knuckles were in the habit of knocking distractingly against hers. Kaoru, with a similar look of injury, removes his chin from the top of Haruhi's head but they settle instead for brushing their lips across her cheeks, which she merely shrugs off with a wave of her hand, already engrossed in the exciting world of graphs and parabolas.

As Tamaki shrieks again in the violent language of symbols, Kyouya fights the migraine coming on and Kaoru and Hikaru shoot innocent smiles over their shoulders. Haruhi wonders fleetingly why the twins are coming onto her more strongly this week but she has a math test to study for and the behavioral patterns of the rich and the famous do not interest her quite as much.

**iii.** **seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow**

Pink lips smeared artistically with cream look more delectable and inviting than the actual cake on his lap but there's nothing quite as delicious as when his – guardian dog, shall we say? reaches up and plainly smoothes it all away, filial affection blurring into true devotion.

"Takashi," Haninozuka Mitsukini (better known as "Honey-senpai") begins, sugary sweet voice all saccharine and playful, "do you think Haru-chan will ever realize what's going on around her, especially with Kao-chan and Hika-chan?"

"Nn," Morinozuka Takashi (or "Mori-senpai") replies noncommittally, and the unlikely pair watches the twins settle themselves comfortably with Haruhi in the middle, arms thrown possessively over her shoulders. The fangirls who are watching squeal in glee, watching their wildest dreams of a potential threesome unfold in front of their eyes.

Hikaru leans over Haruhi's head to whisper something in his brother's ear and Kaoru smiles his half-grin, the one he saves especially for situations in which to embarrass Haruhi, and they both lean their heads together, effectively trapping Haruhi in a death hold.

As Haruhi remains locked in a struggle for her life, Honey turns back to Mori and his cake and taking a bite out of his favorite strawberry shortcake, beams at Mori and says happily, "I think they're getting along quite well, Takashi, don't you? Just like how this cake would go _really_ well with those cookies over there, don't you think?" while nodding pointedly at the chocolate cookies on the table behind Mori.

Mori smiles the smile he reserves especially for Honey and hands him the plate of cookies with a ridiculously dramatic flourish that looks quite normal on Mori, replying, "Mm."

**iv. wisdom comes with winters**

Big brown eyes and a girl's slender figure are the physical weapons Haruhi wields against the rich (and bored) elite of Ouran High School. But coupled with a completely natural personality, she was more or less irresistible to _everyone_ who visited the Host Club, female or otherwise.

"Wh – " Haruhi starts, but the twins put their fingers to their lips and pull them into a room that seemed to double as a janitor's closet but was actually larger than Haruhi's entire apartment.

"What?" Haruhi demands once they are inside, nestled comfortably between Hikaru and Kaoru, the former whose hands were in her hair, long fingers making a mess of the soft dark hair and the latter whose lips were somewhere near her collar, hot breath ghosting over her throat. "What do you need to tell me _now_ that you couldn't tell me in class? And Hikaru, you're messing up my hair; Kaoru, that tickles." And promptly slapped away Hikaru's hand and pulled away from Kaoru.

"We're keeping you warm," they reply, with similar looks of innocence, gesturing towards the snow falling outside the window.

Haruhi gives them both looks of incredulity, considering Ouran's state-of-the-art climate technology.

They pout and pull her down again, until they are merely a tangle of limbs, uniforms and red and brown hair. "Haruhi," they breathe, "do you hate us?" _Could you stay with us?_

Haruhi once again disentangles herself and frowns at them. "Don't be silly," she says, "how could I?" And quickly, before either of them can blink, or sigh in relief, she flashes a smile at them, a momentary softening of the eyes.

**v. the secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived**

A nip at the ear, an almost (_so close_) brush of lips, a breath across the throat. "Guess who?" they breathe in perfect unison, lips upon her eyelids.

Haruhi struggles for a minute in their arms, but her strength was nothing compared to the hold of both the twins. "That's not fair," she says pointedly, "there are two of you and I have my eyes closed."

"Well then, Haruhi," Hikaru starts, and she can feel his smirk against her left eyelid.

"What do you think of the addition to our favorite game?" Kaoru finishes, blowing away an eyelash.

Haruhi thinks for a moment, then taps the shoulder of the twin on the right. "Kaoru," she says decisively, and moves to open her eyes.

"Nope," Kaoru quickly says, stepping aside and switching sides, "wrong."

"Guess we'll just have to try again some other time, eh, Haruhi?" Hikaru says, a wide smirk crossing his face.

Fujioka Haruhi, cursing the god that led her to the Third Music Room, spends the rest of the day fuming and steering clear of dark corners, open closets and red hair.


End file.
